A Joke...

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door (At this point the husband started choking up).
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

A Joke?

I have stopped my home alarm service.
I've dropped out of Neighborhood Watch.
I've put up a Pakistani flag in one corner of the front yard and an Iraqi flag in the other corner.
In the center of the front yard, I've raised the black flag of ISIS.
I'm being watched 24/7 by the local police, the sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Secret Service and Homeland Security.
I have NEVER felt safer...and...
I'm saving $49.95 each month!

----------- перевод -----------

Я отписался от сервиса домашней охраны,
Я отказался от услуг Службы Соседского Наздора,
Я повесил пакистанский флаг на одном углу своего двора и иракский флаг на другом углу. В центре своего двора я водрузил черный флаг ISIL.
Круглосуточно я нахожусь под наблюдением местной полиции, шерифа, ФБР, ЦРУ, НСА и различных секретных служб.
Я никогда не чувствовал себя более безопасно!
И я сэкономил $49.95 в месяц!